3 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories About Coffee

Dec 20, 2013 by

With such a colourful past you’d expect there to be a few cover ups or crazy conspiracy theories based on coffee, its powers and its origins and you wouldn’t be far wrong. From being classed as magical to being the drink of the devil coffee has had some serious public relations battles to fight through, so I’m here to share with you the three craziest conspiracy theories I have come across involving coffee, if you have any others don’t hesitate to let us know.

The Origins

Theory: Coffee was actually discovered in the US

To understand the origin of coffee you first have to know about the tale of Kaldi and his dancing goats – He was a young goat herder that lived in the middle east, the country varies depending upon the teller, whose goats began eating red berries from a dark green bush. Kaldi watched the goats jump and dance around with energy after eating the berries and tried a few himself, soon finding the same thing happening to him. Kaldi took the berries to a nearby monastery (or was discovered to be acting strangely by a monk passing by) – the monks experimented with the berries, finding that brewing them in a liquid increased their ability to stay up later and helped them to preform their prayers and night time duties. From here coffee slowly spread throughout the world carried by trade.

However two men from the US dispute this, claiming to have found cave paintings showing a dancing mule and Native Americans somewhere in the Ozarks in South west Missouri, they continue their story by stating that their discovery was under investigation by archaeologists and scientists but then all went quiet… When they next tried to find out information they were told to leave the cave alone by the FBI. You can read more on their conspiracy theory at their website The Dancing Mule ( http://dancingmulecoffee.com/about-us/the_kaldi_conspiracy/ )

A Drink Potent with Impotency

Theory: Coffee makes men impotent

When the coffee bean made it to English shores coffee houses sprung up rapidly, patrons would sip and enjoy the stimulating beverage and conversations with topics ranging from philosophy to politics. However, ladies soon began to rail against coffee, blaming it for taking their husbands time and sexual energies away from them this viewpoint was put forward in a pamphlet called The Women’s Petition Against Coffee – which was published in 1672.

‘we can attribute to nothing more than the excessive use of that newfangled, abominable, heathenish liquor called coffee, which rifling Nature of her choicest treasures, and drying up the radical moisture, has so eunuched our husbands and crippled our more kind gallants that they are become as impotent, as aged, and as unfruitful as those deserts whence that unhappy berry is said to be brought. ‘

As you can imagine the petition did nothing to stop the consumption of coffee, people carried on drinking it and still do to this day.

A Coffee Giant is Against a Religion

Theory: Starbucks is behind Zionist plots

You may be puzzled by the Starbucks logo, one conspiracy theory is that its the image is of the biblical maiden Queen Esther, proving to certain theorists that Starbucks is behind Zionist movements and plots. However the creators of Starbucks simply chose an image to fit with their nautical theme (they’re named after a character in Moby Dick, don’t you know) and the original logos display a two tailed siren that was found in a Nordic book of woodcuts. The image has since undergone a bit of a face lift, the siren was made youthful, she was made a little more tasteful by covering up her nudity with her long hair and given an extreme close up to show only part of her twin tails. So no Zionist movements, just a love of literary classics!

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Tammy Morris holds a strong love of coffee and of it’s history. When conspiracy theory gets in the way of a good cuppa, she’s there to put the world to rights.

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